Thanksgiving on the Rocks

I love to cook, but the Thanksgiving production in my kitchen has lost its luster. On top of that, I’m not great at cooking gigantor birds, I don’t like stuffing, and it’s physically and emotionally impossible for me to make gravy. There, I said it.

My life changed a few years ago when I discovered a Thanksgiving secret. So let’s just keep this one between us, okay? Most grocery stores offer delicious pre-made turkey dinners. I saw this “secret” advertised in the newspaper. Most include a turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry relish. (Try buying your Thanksgiving grocery list for under a $100). Some also offer other sides you can choose from. But since I love to cook to relieve stress, not induce it, I get the dinner and make a couple of our favorite sides—usually green bean casserole and pumpkin pie.

Last year, I called a pal who had her in-laws in town on Thanksgiving Day. I could hear the sweat dripping from her head, pots clanking, kids screaming—and I’m pretty sure she cussed out her husband for being in the kitchen. When I mentioned the pre-cooked turkey dinner and that I just had to heat it up, her response was a shriek. “YOU CAN DO THAT?!” Yes, you can.

Here’s what you do. You secretly order the turkey dinner, pick it up, stash it, dish it on your china, and your family is none the wiser. You save money, everyone eats, and you don’t have the annual meltdown in the kitchen this year because all of the yelling about how the football game muffled the sound of the oven timers, and now the turkey is overcooked and the pie is burned. There’s not enough whipped cream to fix a burnt pie. Trust me, I’ve tried. You get none of that shame, and all of the glory with the pre-cooked dinner. We’ll all just keep it to ourselves, and go from there.

By the way, when you have time, money, and hands freed up from all that cooking, you can do some or all of these:r