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Omaha Magazine

Feeling Gravity’s Pull?

Jul 28, 2014 09:47AM ● By Kristen Hoffman
You may have already surmised that you are, in fact, getting older. Some of the indicators can be obvious: It takes you two or six tries to get up from the couch; parts of your body seem to be sloughing off like waterlogged loess. In broad terms: You’ve noticed that gravity has become your enemy.

But some signs can be quite subtle. So, to help things out, we’ve pieced together a profoundly serious checklist to help you gauge whether you are, in fact, just maybe, beginning to age a bit.

You know you're 60 plus when...

  • You’ve actually driven to Hebron to see the World’s Largest Porch Swing.
  • “Happy Hour” is a nap.
  • You expect to see farm fields when you drive west of 72nd Street.
  • You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
  • Your address book has mostly names that start with “Dr.”
  • You remember when the College World Series was held somewhere other than Omaha.
  • And you enjoy saying things like, “I remember when the College World Series was held somewhere else.”
  • You send money to PBS after watching “Antiques Roadshow.”
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You still have a rotary dial, landline telephone.
  • You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
  • You still write letters to the editor of the local newspaper.
  • You remember who Zorinsky Lake is named after.
  • You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
  • You enjoy hearing about other people’s surgical operations.
  • You coached anyone who is now in a hall of fame.
  • You have a ticket stub from a concert at Peony Park.
  • You know what an IBM Selectric is.
  • Neighbors borrow your tools.
  • You miss the chicken at Rose Lodge, brunch at the Golden Apple, and hanging out at Tiner’s Drive-In on Dodge.
  • You consider a stroll through Memorial Park to be a day hike.
  • You’ve actually ridden on a real streetcar in Omaha.
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • You’re proud of your lawn mower.
  • You remember when Saturday afternoon shopping at Brandeis was a dress-up affair.
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